The Main Street Walk of Shame

It was a beautiful Disney day! A few days before the Disney World Marathon, still fairly quiet at the parks. The influx of Marathoners were expected to arrive that night and the next day. We had wanted to get a few days of vacation in before and after the race because hey, let's not waste an opportunity to Disney-out! We arrived at the Magic Kingdom a few minutes before opening to watch the opening show. Always one of my favorite things to see. Early in the morning, everyone is fully rested and ready. Disney magical excitement is just gearing up for the day! What a better way to start a morning than all your favorite characters arriving in full song and dance on the Magical Express? I love that moment. I wish it would last longer and carry you through the whole day.

It was late in January. A beautiful sunny day and warm. Thank-you Florida winters! After our opening greetings,we headed up Main Street all giggles and happiness. Main Street is one of our family's favorite areas. Cast members are lined up with warm smiles, just waiting to welcome you. There is an overall feeling of old turn of the century Americana and family values. This is the way Walt felt every town should be. In fact, it was one of his favorite areas also. Main Street is always filled with Happiness. Happy families, happy merchants selling their wares, the smell of fresh made waffle cones floating on the breeze, clean and colorful, not a detail undone. Then, at the end waiting for you in the distance, the beauty and splendor of Cinderella's castle. It is absolutely perfect! Main Street is actually one of the most photographed areas in all of Disney. We have all seen beautiful photos of a long flowing Main Street leading up to the enchanting castle. Once you set foot on that magical pathway of dreams, you can't help but to take a deep breath, let the magic and excitement fill you, smile and think, "We are finally here! We are finally at Disney!"

 Of course we stopped to have our picture taken in front of the castle for about the hundredth time, but it's a must do! That picture is always the best of the day. Everyone is excited, happy and filled with the magic of just entering the parks and heading down Main Street. After our picture we were already talking about what stores we would stop at for treats and souvenirs on our way out of the parks. Then we headed over to Tomorrowland and Buzz Lightyear to start our day.

Several hours later we were over by Liberty Square and exiting out of the Haunted Mansion. It was still early yet, around 11am. I could tell Thing 1 was still ready and raring to go, but Thing 2 was just about ready for us to leave and "Take the Nap." Taking the Nap is some of the best advice I have ever read in anything Disney. Disney is an overwhelming place. There is so much to see and do it overwhelms the senses. That is why it's best to book several days at the parks and The World. There is just too much to do at each park, there is no way to get it in all in one day. If you try to cram it all in, you will be sorry. Everyone ends up in magical overload, which is worse than a cheap tequila hangover! By 4pm everyone is tired and cranky but still pushing on trying to shove each moment with more magic, more rides, more characters. . . .  It' so not gonna happen folks! You might as well raise the white flag and admit defeat. You've already lost! We have all seen those families in the middle of a magical meltdown. Dad's veins are sticking out of his head and he is clinching his teeth. Clearly thinking of  all the money that has been waisted on tickets, trinkets, lunches and anything else to keep everyone happy. Mom's hair, make-up and clothes are a mess! Don't forget to take note of at least one chipped and broken nail and a lost earring. The kids wearing now askew mouse ears are half in a coma walking on auto pilot or half asleep in strollers. If they have to put out any other extended energy or patience by waiting in yet another long line, the ticking time bomb that was a once happy yet tired child, EXPLODES! Crying, yelling, screaming, kicking, running away, Gandhi type sit-in's and so on. Happens every time. It is also contagious. As soon as one or two start, it becomes and epidemic. Starting at one end of the park and within an hour, it's everywhere! Complete and total chaos. Pandemonium ensues! The only way to avoid being a victim of the Magical Hangover Plague is to TAKE THE NAP. At or around noon, judging by Thing 1 and 2, we either have lunch at the parks or head back at the hotel and grab something to eat there. Then everyone gets all comfy and cozy in bed and takes a nap! Simple enough. We set a wake-up call for about 2 1/2 hours later. Freshen up for the evening and then we head back to the parks! We haven't missed that much time and we are happy and ready to go until the parks close. An added bonus, we get to stroll down Main Street again!

As I said before, we had just left the Haunted Mansion. We found a nice shaded bench on the way from Liberty Square  to Fantasyland. We stopped and gave Thing 1 and 2 a drink and a snack from our backpack. Hubby and I decided that we would  head to It's a Small World since the line was short and it has a fast moving que. After It's a Small World, we would then head back to the hotel. The Things heard this and were fine with the idea. Not heading back and taking the nap has never been an option. It's a normal part of all our Disney vacations. Now, I can't remember what exactly got Thing 2 all wound up a moment later. All I remember is that Thing 2 started acting up in a big way. My children are usually well behaved and calm. They know we expect nothing less. We never over threaten punishments and we always carry out what we threaten. Thing 2 is always the child that tests the limits. Thing 2 is also very much like me and has a hot temper. God and his sense of humor! Well, Thing 2 is just about on the verge of either crossing over that fine line of full out tantrum or stepping back and reining it in. I make a huge miscalculation here and think it's the latter. I explain to Thing 2 that we are going on It's a Small World and point out the short line. Then I explain that after we are going to head back for our nap. I also warn Thing 2 to "calm down, eat your snack and behave or you and I are leaving right now. Thing 1 and Hubby will stay and do It's a Small World without us." Well, Thing 2 is the type of child that if you say, "Not another peep." Thing 2 can only hold it in so long before going "PEEP!" and getting into trouble. Just happens. Thing 2 really can't help it. Yep, just like Mom!!

Thing 2 holds it together for another minute, then the Mouse Ears hit the fan so to speak. That's my cue! I tell Thing 2, "That's it!" I then pick up the child and glare at Hubby, "I am taking Thing 2 back to the hotel RIGHT NOW!" Hubby is of course now in deer in the headlights mode and stammers out some reply of, "uh, ok, uh you want us to go with you too?" "NO! You heard me tell Thing 2 that you guys will do It's a Small World without us, so go! Have fun! Enjoy your day! (insert growl here) We are leaving now!" With Thing 2 now kicking and screaming in my arms, I sling the backpack over my shoulder, at least I had enough presence of mind to remember the room key was in there and I will need it! I am now seething and seeing red, of course so is Thing 2. I turn on my heel and walk away from Hubby and Thing 1. I picture them behind me, in my mind, grasping hands, singing and skipping all the way to It's a Small World. Ugggh! How dare they! Then, in my effort to ignore the screaming, kicking, wailing child in my arms, I start to mumble to myself, " Why do I always have to be the enforcer parent? Why does Thing 2 always have to act up?! Does this child even know how much we paid for a ticket?" you get the idea.

At this point, other happier families see us coming like a black cloud of doom. They part faster than the Red Sea! Several look upon the scene of myself and child with disgust. Others look at me, with kicking child and ranting to myself, with pity. No doubt thinking , "Now what has that child done to that poor mother?"  That's right, move it people! Outta my way! Thank goodness my physique was in it's best form, from training for my marathon that was two days away. Disney World is a big place. Carrying a kicking screaming child through it is a marathon in itself!

I had finally made it to Main Street from Liberty Square. The child slung over my shoulder now had a perfect view of Cinderella's Castle quickly moving away. This of course puts Thing 2 into even more frantic hysterics as if the child couldn't believe that we were actually, really leaving! I, myself, now sweaty, bruised and beaten am thinking "almost there, almost there, almost there! When did this kid get so heavy?! When the heck did Main Street get so long?! Stupid Main Street and all your happiness! Hey Lady, stop looking at me like that! Haven't you ever had to prove a point to your kid?! Yeah, catch you at 4pm when they all have a meltdown! So what if I just ruined your happy picture! You couldn't tell I was coming from the black cloud of doom looming over me? Didn't it darken the skies? You couldn't have waited to take it!? Great. . . That's going on Awkward Family Photos! Move it people! Can't you see I have my hands full here?! No I don't want to buy your dumb Mickey balloon! Does it look like this kid deserves one?! Stop waving at me you happy, smiling people! Can't you see this is not my Magical Moment?!" I never felt more embarrassed or ashamed going down Main Street. This was my favorite place, now forever marred with the memories of this moment!

At this point, I am sure there is fire now coming out of my eyes. Perfect! Matches the fire in my muscles from carrying this rabid Tasmanian Devil for miles! Finally! There it is, the last building on Main Street! I can actually see outside the gates! There, that bench right there! Oh I am SO going to sit there! I hope I can make it, come ON! I pick up the pace, finish line so close. . . . . .

Then it happened! One of my magical Main Street Cast Members, TURNED ON ME! She looked at me, all sweaty, scratched, dirty, bruised and beaten. My finely tuned athletic body, that will be put to the test in 48 hours and needs to be at it's best, RUINED! Then she looks at Thing 2 who no longer resembles a child but more of a wild animal. Clearly not that worse for wear and all the damage done to this child is self inflicted. Then this sweet Cast Member, who I am sure has seen this kind of parental abuse many times and should clearly side with the parents (I mean really, who buys the tickets and all the stuff from your store?? Where is your loyalty to the paying guest here lady?!) looks at my hell cat of a child and says, " Oh, poor baby! What's a matter honey?" Poor BABY! What's a matter!?!?! Are you serious?! If you said that to me, it would have just reinforced even more my love of Disney, but NOOoooooooooo. . . . . I whip my head around to look directly at this poor, sad, confused cast member and I use my eyes filled with fire to stare right into her soul. She gasps, puts a hand to her chest and then quickly looks down and away. I may have even growled and mumbled something. . . . hard to remember because at that point, I was only seeing red and spots. The red from being even more angry and the spots, well I think I took a good blow to the head from Thing 2 and was trying not to pass out!

Finally, FINALLY, we made it to that beautiful shaded bench on the other side of the magical gates. To this day there has never been a more wonderful bench in all of Disney! I set the "child" down and gulped down the water that was in my backpack. I also offered one to Thing 2. Clearly after that workout the child needed some hydration also! Thing 2 was instantly quiet and calm. All energy was spent. We sat there on that bench, looking into the Magic Kingdom for about 20 minutes. Neither one of us said anything. We were both exhausted and finally calmed down. Thing 2 gave me a hug and put a sleepy head into my lap, then looked up at me with the faintest of smiles and said, "Mommy, can we go take a nap now?"